the perfect recipe for chronic impostor syndrome
and how to rewire your brain for healthier self-esteem
Hello love,
Do you ever find yourself staring at your computer on a Monday morning, unable to start? You know what to do. You’ve figured out the natural next steps of your business, or at least you’ve got them written down somewhere.
But you just don’t do it.
Instead, you keep giving your attention to non-essential tasks that won’t get you further on your business-building process, and you question your capacity to have discipline.
Does it sound familiar?
Procrastination happens to the best of us, and more often than not, contrary to what you may think, it's actually not due to a lack of motivation or self-discipline.
It comes from a deeper place that is tender and sensitive, a place we’d rather not look at too long for fear that it will hurt like it hurt before. A place where the soundtrack is the repetitive words we can identify as the impostor syndrome.
How many times have you found yourself thinking, "Sooner or later, people will find out that I'm not as good as they think I am. That I don’t have all the answers so it means I’m not the expert I'm supposed to be. That I have nothing new to add to the table?”
If you're like most highly-sensitive & ambitious women, it probably happens more often than you'd care to admit.
I know, because it’s true for me too.
And as a coach, it’s super vulnerable to confess that I have to go back to my plan at least two times a week and remember my commitment to myself to stick to it in order to find the strength to keep going despite these voices.
My earliest memory of feeling like an impostor dates back to when I was just 5 years old.
I had overheard my mother proudly telling a neighbour about how polite and well-behaved I was. A "perfect doll" of a daughter.
And I didn't feel perfect at all.
Not true, I thought. I'm not perfect. In fact, I don't want to be perfect. I don’t want to sit gracefully and speak nicely and politely to everyone. And give kisses to the stinky neighbour just because you ask me. But I do it, because that's what I know I must do for you to love me.
This, right there, is the perfect formula for chronic impostor feelings.
A generous dose of the "good girl" syndrome, mixed with an extremely low sense of self-esteem stemming from trauma and uneducated parental figures.
Add in the unrealistic expectations society places on women, and you have a recipe for self-doubt that can haunt us for a lifetime.
The thing is, feeling like an impostor isn't about a lack of skills or expertise.
It's about a disconnect between what we consciously know we're capable of, and what we subconsciously believe we're worthy of.
That's why it's so common to struggle with things like speaking confidently about our offers or selling our services - even when we know we have the knowledge and experience to back it up.
Impostor syndrome is a universal, common experience
So what's the solution?
It starts with recognising that you're not alone.
Impostor syndrome is a universal experience, especially for highly sensitive, high-achieving women. And the more we're willing to shed light on these feelings, the more we can start to heal and change.
The key is to address the root cause: your self-esteem.
Because while self-confidence is about what you can do, self-esteem is about the fundamental worth you place on yourself. It's the image you have of yourself, and it's directly linked to how you were perceived and treated during childhood.
When you have a healthy self-esteem, you feel that you're good at life, that you deserve happiness, love, and safety. But when your self-esteem is low, you don't feel legitimate or worthy, and that's when impostor syndrome creeps in.
Rewiring your brain for healthier self-esteem
The good news is, no matter how low your self-esteem is, you can rewire your brain and grow your sense of self-worth.
And it all starts with compassion and self-validation.
Affirmations
Instead of beating yourself up when you feel this way, create space to hold yourself and practice self-soothing affirmations that speak directly to those impostor syndrome thoughts :
I am capable of taking consistent, imperfect action towards my business goals.
I am enough, I know enough, I have enough. My work is a gift to the world and I choose to share it.
I release the need to have it all figured out. I trust the process. I trust myself.
I am worthy of attention and love. I am worthy of success.
It is safe for me to be seen. I am capable of helping my clients.
Celebration
A bit like the road to becoming, being and growing as a mother, the path to business sustainability is long and full of twists and turns. And that’s why you can’t just wait until you’ve arrived to start taking stock of everything you’ve been doing.
One of the most important mindset habits you need as an entrepreneur - and especially if you’re highly sensitive and/or you’ve got ADhD - is to stop looking up at the top of the mountain and wonder how the heck you’re ever going to get there, and to start looking down and marvel at how far you’ve come to get here!
It is essential to celebrate yourself for where you are today, and to recognise the courage you have for taking the little but important steps you’re taking every day, whether that’s writing the outline of a blog post, applying to speak at a convention or reaching out to potential clients.
Ditch comparison
We have this tendency as human beings to make a lot of assumptions about what we don’t know, or to take people at face-value.
Which means that most of the time, when you see a smily bubbly confident-looking business owner on social media, you naturally assume that they’re successful, that their bank account reflects that success, and that of course they never have any mental-health related problems : it’s quite clear that they believe in themselves and that self-doubt is not part of their experience on earth.
In reality, you have no idea what goes on under the surface.
Yet, one thing you can be sure of, is that each human being is dealing with their own amount of suffering and self-doubt. You can’t see it and so you think it’s only you, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The good news is that if everyone is dealing with self-doubt, impostor feelings and procrastination, then it doesn’t mean anything about you or about your ability to be a successful business owner.
My tip: when you notice that you start comparing yourself to others, focus instead on your own path and the imperfect actions you promised yourself you’d take.
Take action
Confidence doesn’t come by thinking more about how you lack confidence, or about how others have more confidence than you do, or even about all the reasons and the past experiences that have caused you to have low self-confidence.
Confidence is built in action.
So, start small. Take that next step while feeling scared, because each time you push past the fear and self-doubt, you'll chip away at impostor syndrome. You’ll prove to yourself that you are brave, that you are resilient, that you do keep your promises to yourself.
And because you’re taking action, soon enough it’ll pay off and you’ll start seeing the results of your hard work, which will give you such a boost.
It’s like a reverse self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of feeding the story that you’re not enough, you’re reframing and reinforcing the belief that you are more than enough and that your work, the ways in which you’re trying to make this world a better place, it does deserve attention and success.
The journey isn't always easy, we know that. You knew it from the start.
But what you also know is that it’s completely worth it.
When you finally quiet that impostor voice and embrace the fullness of who you are, there's no limit to what you can achieve.
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