the money story you didn't know you were living

we're all weird about money

I still remember the first time I felt shame about money.

I was six, maybe seven, and we were standing in our local grocery store with my mom. She was counting coins at the register, her lips pressed tight, her eyebrows serious, her body tense.

I remember I’d asked for something small, a candy bar, maybe. And I remember the look on her face. The sigh, the hesitation.

We can’t afford that.

I put the candy bar back myself, feeling sorry that I had even wanted it, and I walked out of that store with something much heavier than a craving for sweets.

I walked out with a story.

A story that said money was stressful. That asking for things was a burden for people I loved. That wanting more than what I had, more than what was necessary, was selfish.

I didn’t even realise I was carrying this story this until…

Fast forward to adulthood, and suddenly I find myself hesitating before making a purchase for myself even when I can afford it. I over-explain my prices to myself before I share them with clients, constantly over-deliver, rarely ask for help or support, and take every opportunity to improve so that I can make sure that I’ve done enough to deserve the money I earn.

And on top of that, when I allow myself to dream bigger for a minute, I feel guilty for event wanting a life that feels abundant, because of course I should be satisfied with less.

Maybe you recognise this too?

Maybe you’ve told yourself that if you just budgeted better, made more money, worked harder, saved more, then you’d finally feel at peace with money.

Maybe you’ve wondered why, no matter how much you earn, spend, or save, money still carries an emotional charge.

Maybe you’ve felt like you should have sorted out your money mindset issues, should be making more money in your business by now

And you’re so not alone.

We all have money stories running in the background. Stores we didn’t write, but that are shaping how we earn, spend, and feel about money every single day.

But why? And most importantly how can we untangle these stories so we can have a joyful, playful and exciting life without stressing about income and expenses several times a week a day?

Let’s find out.

Photo by Josh Maddocks on Unsplash

The way we’re wired

How often have you noticed certain behaviours, fears, reactions, even patterns in your life only to realise later that they are directly connected to a memory of an earlier time in your life?

I have one example for you. I’m very perceptive of people’s shifting emotions. A change in the energy all of a sudden, a micro-expression on your face nobody else has noticed but me: those are the only cues I need to know that something’s wrong.

For years I thought this is because I’m an empath, until I learned that this is directly connected to the repeated experiences of emotional instability I received from my caretakers when I was an infant. The empath part of me was born to protect me by anticipating what others around me feel so I can cuddle them, answer their needs and make sure I’m still safe.

That’s the thing: human beings learn from experience in order to stay safe. This is how we have survived, and how we still do.

This is why stories were told, around the fire, through thousands of years. Like he story of this fellow cave man who wanted to climb that big rock and fell and died. Ok it’s dangerous to climb rocks. Or the story of this father who disappeared one day and left his wife and kids behind without looking back. Ok, it’s dangerous to trust people you love, it’s never forever.

We live our lives carrying hundreds of stories about everything: attachment, parenthood, friendships, marriage, time, safety, intelligence, work, success, failure… and money.

That’s just the way we’re wired.

Whether your childhood was seamless and happy or whether it was traumatic, you carry stories that would have helped your past selves avoid any pain. Sometimes you also carry stories that would have helped your ancestors avoid any pain.

And so, as an impressionable kid if you witnessed, let’s say, your grumpy and sometimes violent grandfather hide money from your grandmother, pretending they were poor, forcing her to work hard into her 80s just to pay the bills, while he actually had a hidden bank account with hundreds of thousands euros in his name…

That probably fucks up your relationship to money, work, trust in a marriage... Also possibly to men.

How do we untangle the knots

Ok, so now we understand why we carry these money stories. Great!

But what we actually want to know is what to do now? How can we free ourselves from these invisible shackles? How do we untangle the knots of our past so we can live better stories, ones that we choose to write?

As with everything, awareness is the first step.

The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate.

Carl Jung - The Psychology of the Unconscious

You can’t heal what you don’t see

Although you’re aware of the discomfort it causes, It’s impossible to heal from a wound you don’t know you have.

That’s why your first homework is to notice what’s going on inside of you when there’s a money situation.

Luckily for us, these happen several times a day, so you’ll have plenty of opportunities to practice. When you spend money, when you need to send an invoice to a client, when you check your bank account, when you receive a bill, when you have the desire to buy something…

Notice - and perhaps write down - how you feel in your body, and what are the thoughts associated to them.

Trace the story back to its origin

The feelings in your body are you Ariadne thread in the labyrinth of your memories.

You follow the thread by asking yourself “When was the first time I felt this way? what was happening at the time?”

We often think we have to resist the feelings that come with them, that we have to show anger or strength so these stories and emotions would go away, but that’s never a helpful approach.

Instead take the time to let the memories come to you and meet them with love and compassion.

Notice your habits with money

You already noticed how you felt around money, but how do you act with money? How do these stories play out today?

Think for instance of how you tend to work: do you work with calm and confidence, or do you work in a rush, always late, always putting off fires, staying in front of your screen for hours until exhaustion?

What about pricing your offers: do you tend to pick a number to make sure people can afford you, regardless of whether that amount can sustain you or not? Do you use a method to price your offers fairly? Or do you charge based on the fluctuating level of your self-esteem?

Some of your money habits are good and supportive. Others, not so much. Just notice.

Again, zero judgment. You’re not here to work against these habits, you’re just bringing them to the surface so you can meet them and do something about them.

What changes are you ready to make?

Have a look at these hindering money habits again… What new habits would you like to have in place of them?

We often stay stuck in our narratives, feeling as if we're nailed to our circumstances, our chests and stomachs tight, as if bound by heavy chains we can’t lift.

We forget we’re capable to create new possibilities for ourselves just by opening our imagination.

What is your ideal money story? The one that you really want to create, that makes you feel truly you?

Not based on what society has told you equates with being successful, validated and worthy, but based on what you desire to live in this life. Write it down in as many details as possible.

Now, what new habits do you need in order to support this vision? Make a list.

And finally, the million dollar question:

What truths do you need to know in order to make these new habits a reality? What do you need to believe in order to create a new story you love?

Healing these patterns doesn’t happen overnight, so please be patient with yourself.

And it is so much easier when you don’t do it alone, so here’s a little something for you.

Reveal your money stories free challenge

If you want to explore your money stories and start rewriting them with my guidance, I invite you to join my free 5-day challenge, Reveal Your Money Stories. It’s a guided audio + journaling experience to help you see the beliefs shaping your relationship with money and take the first steps towards untangling them. Sign up with the button below.

I promise you that money doesn’t have to feel so heavy. And contrary to what our logical brains want us to believe, it’s really not just about making more, saving more, or budgeting better. All these things are wonderful, but they don’t help you feel safer on the long term because the stories within are still there, still running the show, still tightening your chest when you check your bank account.

Overcoming our limiting stories is about doing the deep inner work.

The one that requires of you to be brave, to travel through time and space, to allow yourself to feel the emotions that stem from these sometimes complicated stories…

So that you can step into one that feels lighter, freer, and more aligned with who you are today. I’m ready to walk that path alongside you. Will you join me?