embracing grief
the sacred space within
Hello love,
The last few weeks have been the hardest I’ve ever had to go through in this lifetime. After two years of a determined battle against prostatic cancer, my father died on July 2nd, 2024. He was 69 years old.
Over the months that have led to this conclusion, I have had a lot of things to share about how I was or wasn’t handling it. How I dealt with the anxiety that lived with me for 2 years. How I learned to be present with him, to be present to myself and the different parts of me that were often disagreeing between light and darkness, between hope and despair, between anger and acceptance. How we made plans for a future despite knowing that future was far from being granted. How I chose to still laugh with my children when my heart was slowly, painfully breaking apart.
And now. Nothing.
I listen within and all I can hear is silence.
I look within, and all I can see is an empty room.
Not dark, not really.
Not gloomy either.
Just empty.
And I try to keep looking.
To resist the temptation to fill it with a thousand things.
To acknowledge the space that exists there, the gap, and to let it be so as long as it needs to be so.
Perhaps with two armchairs and a coffee table, I’ll make it a new sacred place where earthly concerns are not concerning.
Where pain and fears subside.
Where only love remains.